yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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