sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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