just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
