I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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