sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
