It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
