A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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