We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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