one two three fourrrrnication!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize