$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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