i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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