I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
