Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize