You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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