If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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