All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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