Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
