I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
