So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
