She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
