I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
