I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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