it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize