if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
