There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
