Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
