just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
