is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
