You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
