I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize