you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
