You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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