Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
