i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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