With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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