I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
did you just send me my own nude
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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