Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
