I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
