The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
