he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
