What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
