my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
