I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize