I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just google imaged poop.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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