dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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