We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
