Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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