She said her name was "party"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
