I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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