Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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