i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
