Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
did i just pee glitter
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
