Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize