you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
