What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My balls are so social today.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
