At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I smell like Dick and happiness
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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