I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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