He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk is not a location!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
