so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
