That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
