Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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