Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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