I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
