no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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