Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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