i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
