isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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