I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think i have two assholes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
