you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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