Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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