So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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