She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
