if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
