I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
