I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
