some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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