Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
