i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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