and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
