So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
