Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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