normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
