Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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