I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
