five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
