and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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