that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
