he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
