Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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