well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
