i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
