we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
