YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize