Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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