The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
