ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
