tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
