Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
