I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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