Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
