i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
