I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
