you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
