We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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