saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
