I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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